The past year was a huge emotional roller-coaster, especially when it came to writing my book. I went from being determined that I could do it by the end of 2020 to thinking that I was totally fooling myself and would never be able to finish it. From absolutely loving my story and writing style to believing that it was so ridiculous and silly that no one in their right mind would ever be interested in reading it.
I didn’t know why I was so scared to just write and let my thoughts flow. The hardest part was to convince myself that I could do it and actually sit down and start working. As soon as I did though, the story just spilt out of my imagination and onto the pages. But why was I so terrified and unsure? Why did I not believe in myself?
The answer is simple – the impostor syndrome. It is a psychological state of believing that you are not as competent and capable as others perceive you to be. You constantly doubt your skills, talents, or accomplishments and have a persistent fear of being exposed as a “fraud”. And what’s interesting – no amount of external evidence would convince you otherwise. You think you got where you are by sheer luck or by deceiving others into thinking that you are more intelligent than you actually are.
Does that sound familiar to you? According to the research, this feeling is not uncommon and nearly 70% of individuals experience signs and symptoms of impostor phenomenon at least once in their life. Insecurity can come as a result of an unknown, new environment. Instead of feeling proud and confident , superior even or narcissistic, which is normal for a lot of people who achieved something you haven’t, you, on the contrary, feel less and less certain. So why is that?
I know that I know nothing.
Socrates
Socratic paradox. He was referred to as “the wisest” but instead tried to find someone wiser than himself among politicians, poets, and craftsmen. It appeared that politicians claimed wisdom without knowledge; poets could touch people with their words, but did not know their meaning; and craftsmen could claim knowledge only in specific and narrow fields. So he concluded: “I appear to be wiser than he, because I do not fancy I know what I do not know.” Interestingly enough, impostor syndrome has been linked to the intelligence and knowledge of an individual.
The more I learn, the more I realise how much I don’t know.
Albert einstein
So the more competent and knowledgeable you are, the more you doubt yourself, because you can appreciate how difficult and broad a topic is, as opposed to someone who knows very little in this field and thinks that it is easy. Have you ever wondered how people start their businesses without any prior knowledge or experience of the subject? When they are only 17? Exactly. They have no fear, they don’t know how hard it is, because they have no idea. You, on the contrary, spent hours researching it and realised the task was nearly impossible. So you doubt yourself. And more likely than not, you never start because of it. Or you might waste a few more years before finally feeling confident enough to do it.
I am here to tell you, don’t be afraid. If you think you are a fraud, chances are, you are not! The only reason you have that feeling is because you are indeed the perfect candidate for the job, a smart student that deserves to be at this prestigious university, a determined entrepreneur who can build a successful business, you name it. Acknowledge your feelings and question whether your thoughts are rational. Keep going and refuse to be stopped.
Natalia Ma 