Being an Ambivert

How have I lived my whole life without knowing that ambiverts existed?

If you are like me, and hear about it for the first time, – ambiverts are people who have a balance of extrovert and introvert features in their personality.

Simple, right? And so logical.

By why has it never crossed my mind that this notion existed? People have been asking me for years, as they do, whether I am an introvert or an extrovert, but no one ever gave me a third option. So, automatically, I assumed I had to be one or the other.

Well, no, you don’t.

Everything is a spectrum. I never liked personality tests, because they try to allocate you to a pre-determined category, to fit you into one of the existing rules. But we are all so different. And they say that your personality doesn’t change throughout your life.

Well, I always tended to disagree. In fact, I would go as far as to say that I could be either an introvert or an extrovert depending on the situation and my mood. Little did I know, that these are simply characteristics of an ambivert.

When I was a kid, I was so shy. Painfully shy. I could not think of anything worse than talking to strangers. I would never ask anyone on the street for directions or what time it was, even if I really needed to know. I hated taking a shuttle bus because you had to request a stop from the driver and sometimes I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, so would drive to the nearest stop that someone else had asked for.

And yet, I went to acting classes, put on dancing and singing performances for family and friends, won poetry recital competitions, all because I loved being on stage.

Well, how does that work? My thoughts exactly!

Then, one day, I decided that being so introverted was negatively affecting my life and I had to change. I told myself that I might be shy, but no one else needed to know that. I could just pretend to be outgoing and social when I needed to, and it would make things so much easier.

And just like that, I changed completely. To the point that other people would tell my parents about how active and social I was, and my parents would think they they got me confused with someone else.

I still felt uncomfortable at big parties where I had to interact with people I didn’t know. It wasn’t a problem being social, it just required some effort. But everyone around me would tell me I am a total extravert. My close friends and family would think I am definitely an introvert. The two didn’t understand how I could be different in different situations. Neither could I. It baffled me that other introverts couldn’t just pretend to be extroverts when they needed to. It was actually so easy to change yourself depending on the circumstances. Now I know. These are the qualities of an ambivert.

So for those of you who are like me and were never quite sure whether you are an introvert or an extravert, here are the main characteristics of an ambivert:

• You have an ability to regulate behavior – adjusting to fit a person or a situation comes naturally to ambiverts. Social settings don’t make you uncomfortable but you tire of being around people too much.
• You are able to provide balance in a group – you can let extroverts shine without the need to compete for the spotlight, but can also help break an awkward silence if you are around introverts. Small talks don’t make you uncomfortable but you also don’t want to be engaging in them too much.
• Different people describe you differently – some think you are quiet, while others consider you to be highly social. Also, being the centre of attention can be fun but you don’t want it all the time.
• You are comfortable being alone and around people – too much time alone might leave you feeling bored, but constantly being around people drains you. You can also perform tasks alone or in a group, either way suits you.
• You’re a good listener and communicator – extroverts prefer to talk more, and introverts like to observe and listen, but ambiverts know when to speak up and when to listen. Empathy comes naturally to you, as you listen and ask thoughtful questions to try and help.

Does that sound like you? Or have you always known your personality?

Personality is like a charioteer with two headstrong horses, each wanting to go in different directions.

Martin Luther King, Jr