You Deserve It

You won’t believe me (and I don’t blame you), but when I was a kid I wanted to become an accountant. I know, what a dream! I had a notebook where I kept a list of all my revenue from pocket money and expenses, and I enjoyed my simplified version of bookkeeping immensely. I have also always liked saving money. Seeing that balance grow was the best feeling in the world. What does a kid want? Toys, candy, chocolates, entertainment, you name it! I wanted to save. That way when I set my eyes on something really big, I could afford it. But ever since then I have trouble allowing myself to get a treat.

I see a lot of tacky ads from clothing stores like “Buy NEW, because you deserve it!” You are not a loser to browse through the sales and clearance section now, are you? You deserve a piece of clothing from the new collection, so treat yourself to it! I think it’s so clever. If you are in the right mood, you would totally think, hell yeah I deserve it! I studied/worked hard, passed an exam, met a deadline, cleaned my room, etc. And go on a shopping spree.

Consumerism was never my thing. I wanted things, but not enough to make them worthy spending my precious savings on. In fact, I used to hate shopping. My parents had to drag me to the market. I simply never felt the need to buy new clothes, shoes, makeup, bags, jewellery, trinkets… None of it was on my priority list. So, instead, I bought my first electric guitar and my first handheld game console with my money.

Everything has a price. Not the one that’s written on the tag, but what you would pay for it. What it’s worth to you. Think of all these collectors that are ready to spend insane amounts of money on something that seems useless to others. And I am not talking about art or cars. People collect all sorts of random things, and in my view it is more admirable than mindless shopping that we are so guilty of in this age of consumerism. We think that our wellbeing and happiness fundamentally depend on material possessions and always desire to own and obtain more and more… more than we actually need or even would ever use. But we deserve it! So we buy.

My sister, on the other hand, has always thought I was too strict on myself and should enjoy things while they matter. Otherwise I would grow up (or grow old in my current case) and miss out on all the fun. And she has a point. Some things are only relevant at a certain age, and why not live your life to the fullest? In addition, she told me, once you have kids, you no longer buy things for yourself, you start spending all your money on making their lives better. Because they deserve it.

Materialism may not be as crazy in New Zealand, but in other countries the situation is very different. In Russia, for example, a lot of importance is placed on showing off. People earn little, but strive to impress others by appearing rich. Americans too are obsessed with buying products without stopping and thinking why. We all deserve nice things in life, but it is important not to overdo it. I know I can be harsh on myself, and I wish I would not feel guilty allowing myself to feel like “I deserve it!” more often. But truly, does it make us happy or are we simply molded into a consumer by capitalism?

How many things are there which I do not want.

Socrates